Saturday, January 22, 2011

That's Called Cheating, Dumbass

After reading my last post, and reliving some recent sexual blunders in my head, I feel like the best place to pick up is with James.
Remember James?
James was my BFF, great sex, dating a younger girl who he broke up with to sleep with me. I left all of my precious readers hanging on the edge, wondering what I might do next. Would I stand up to James? Would I finally tell him to stop sleeping with me and realize we can't just be friends?

Well, let me tell you.

It is about a year and a half later and a few weekends ago I saw James again. Let's just take a peak at how that played out.

I had remained on and off long-distance friends with James throughout the past year. It's been a struggle given our history and we tried mainly because we felt we owed it to ourselves and partially because we like to see each other naked so much. Anyways, during one of our off-again friendship periods I found out through the facebook grapevine that James was now "officially" (think facebook official) seeing this girl. Again.
That's right. The girl he didn't like enough to stay with when he went back to school.
Huh? That's what I thought too. After my initial shock, I went on to find out they were not only dating, but in love. This surprised me greatly seeing as a few months ago he didn't like her enough to even wait a day to sleep with someone else after breaking her heart but to each his own.
Fast-forward to this fall and after a drunken night I got one of those dreaded text messages where an Ex's name pops up on your phone and you think, what the fuck do they want and why do they always know to text me when I am drunk and horny?
After some pretty heavy duty flirting, James dove right into hardcore sexting. I was a little taken aback but I am always up for some nice dirty texting so I reciprocated. I then proceeded to do a little thing I like to call, crossing the line. It went something like this.
LL: James, we should catch up and get a drink when I am in town for the holidays, what do you think?
James: That sounds great, I'd definitely be up for that
LL: I'd like to see if you could be up for something else as well ;)
James: Oh really...? Why don't you describe what you'd do to me.
James: Too bad I am not single, I would be all for it if I wasn't.

Now, let's pause here. Why do guys seem to think that unless they actually stick their dick in someone else, it is not cheating? I may not have had a boyfriend in a while but I can sure as hell tell you if he was telling some bitch how much he wanted to screw her, I would not be okay with that. Regardless of if it actually happened or not.

Anyways, let's get to the juicy part. I went home for the holidays, and James and I went to get a drink. About five Vodka-Tonic's later we ended up in an abandoned parking lot, in broad daylight, getting our freak on in his car. But hold up. Before the actual penetration occurred, we had a funny little convo.

James: I am sooo horny. I wish I was single and we could sleep together. Maybe we can just get naked.
LL: Why the fuck would I get naked if I can't touch you or vice versa? That seems a little ridiculous. This isn't kindergarten and we are not playing 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours'
James: (whipping his dick out of his pants and stroking himself) I know...I'm just....just...take off your shirt.
LL: And do what? Sit here naked?? I don't think so buddy.
James: (Pulling down his pants) Comes on...just one..
LL: fine, but only because you always tell me how amazing they are.
James: Maybe you can touch me just for five seconds.
LL: Whatever you say....(five seconds later). Okay five seconds are up
James: DON'T STOP!
LL: You said five seconds...
James: Okay fine, just go, take off your pants. Maybe we can just have sex for a little bit
LL: Look, if you're not committed to this....
James: Okay, fine, fuck it (ripping off the rest of his clothes). You're not going to tell my girlfriend right?

There are so many things wrong with this situation I don't even know where to start. I am thoroughly opposed to cheating. I've never done it and never plan on doing it. It just makes no sense to me. If you don't want to be with the person, don't be with them. And if your sleeping with other people, you probably don't really want to be committed to whoever it is you are. However, I feel like, if a man decides to use me to cheat on someone, that shouldn't be my problem.
That being said, I do have a conscience and I felt horrible after this happened. I thought about it a lot and felt guilty and depressed for a good week after the incident.

The other night I heard from James and was complaining about my current dating situation and my strange knack for attracting douche-bags and he asked, "Am I a douche-bag?"
to which i responded,
"well you did cheat on your girlfriend by sleeping with me, so I think that sort of qualifies you as a douche-bag"
To which HE responded,
"give me a break, I messed up once."

I obviously have no chance at ever finding a decent man if they believe having crazy inappropriate public teenage-esque sex in the middle of the day with some girl who is not your girlfriend of two years is only a slight "mess up". I don't think he accidentally pulled his penis out and then enticed me to touch it, nor do I think that is excusable behavior, but hey, that's just my opinion.

Tata for now loves,

Remember Me?

Hello There!
I seem to have taken a long-term vacay from my love stories....however, they continue to pile up and I just feel the need to continue to write about them! I'm trying to decide if I should pick up where I left off or just dive right into my latest escapades.

After much thought (or as long as it took me to put down my wine), I've decided I'll do both. So here's to old loves, new loves and the people we screw in between!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Lose-Lose Love Stories

Right now I have found myself in a lose-lose situation.

You see, I always thought that there was a win and a lose or sometimes if you are really lucky, both choices are a win. Those are the best. They don't really come along too often however. 
In all reality, my lose-lose situation started last fall but it's really started to hit me hard now. For lack of a better nick-name, I will call this one James. You'll hear James's story from the beginning but I have to sleep with a few other guys first before that part of my life comes up. Anyways, James is younger than me, and he has been dating a girl who is younger than him. The only problem is, James wasn't really into this girl. Sure, he enjoyed having sex with her and being with her but James is a commitment-phobe, or more so I think he just hasn't found the right girl because truthfully (as I have told him) if it's the right girl, he's not going to give a shit if he goes to school in a different state than her, he would do whatever he could to have her. So James has known the entire summer that he was going to stop seeing this girl once the summer ended. After learning he was doing this, something that I am all too familiar with, our conversation went something like this:
LL: James, you are an idiot, why are you seeing this girl
J: I don't know.
LL: Do you like her enough to stay with her?
J: You know how I feel about long distance relationships
LL: No, I think that is a bunch of bullshit. I know that if you really liked this girl, you would continue to date her no matter where you lived.
J: You're probably right, why are you always right.
LL: Because I am. So stop being a douche bag and stop seeing her before shit gets crazy.
J: No it will be fine, she gets it.
LL: Is she a girl?
J: yes...?
LL: Then it is never going to be fine and she is never going to get it. Girls don't think like that.
J: Yeah. You're right. Fuck.

A few nights later after trying to convince James multiple more times that it's not fair to date a girl who you already have decided when your breaking up with her, I get a message from him saying he ended it. I told him to come over for a drink since it had been a stressful day. 

Did I forget to mention that James and I have been sleeping together since last fall? Of course, when I was dating someone else we didn't...although about a week later we did....and when he was dating this girl, we didn't...but...

James and I have this incredible attraction to each other. We have amazing sex. Not the kind of sex that you are like, eh, this is alright but I could do without. The kind of sex that you think about the next day while you are at work or eating dinner with your brother and his new child or anywhere else equally inappropriate. The kind of sex you dream about. He's also one of the only guys I've ever felt extremely comfortable with. I love being with James and the other night when he came over, I knew what was going to happen as much as I wish it could just come to a natural end so that I wouldn't have to do anything about it. James and I woke up around 7 am the next morning to his phone buzzing, from a text message from this girl. Who he just broke up with. The same day I slept with him. 

I feel like a complete asshole. I told James that in no way was it my intention to get him to break up with her so that I could sleep with him and I needed him to know that. He said he did. Didn't make me feel any better. Now I am just so frustrated because I am so done with having sex with guys who don't care about me. I am sick of being the girl you sleep with instead of the girl you want to marry. I am so sick of feeling like a paralyzed, tongue tied little girl after I sleep with one of my best friends because I am scared of saying anything that will make him run. 

So here is what I feel like my options are:
1. Continue to have a casual, meaningless fabulous sex filled 'friendship' with James, but feel like shit every time after we sleep together
2. Tell James we can only be friends, which really means we will still sleep together because trust me, we tried that.
3. Tell James I don't think we should be anything anymore. 

All of these options make me upset. I know that James and I can't just be friends, there is just too strong of a physical attraction there. I also know that it would break my heart to not have him in my life anymore. 

So now I just have to decide which one of the not attractive options do I want to pursue? If you're wondering, 'hey, if you have such a good time together and have such great chemistry, why don't you date.' I will answer that with, good fucking question. Maybe you will have a bit more insight after one of my later posts.