I Love You, AJ

I can't remember the first time AJ and I kissed, or how we actually started dating. I can't remember the romantic stuff, and this makes me sad. However, one memory I do have, and will always have (especially now that I am putting it into print!) is the first time he told me he loved me, which not surprisingly came along with losing my virginity. 

Things had heated up between AJ and myself and although he told me he "didn't want to pressure me into anything" (are they taught that they are required to say that line?), I really wanted to have sex with AJ and I knew he wanted to as well because he wasn't a virgin. Even at 16, I was a smart girl and wanted to be prepared. For this reason, I thought up an elaborate plan to get my hands on some birth control without my mother knowing I was *cringe* 'sexually active.' Being the clever girl I was, I told my mother I needed to schedule an appointment with my doctor because I had been having horrible headaches. At the doctor's office, I sat nervously in the waiting room, surrounded by a few screaming babies (nothing like sitting in the pediatricians office while trying to get a prescription for birth control). When the nurse called my name, my mother went to stand up and I quickly shot her a glance that said, if you even think about coming into the exam room with me, I will kill you. My glances are pretty effective. She sat back down. After I had been fully examined by the nurse and the doctor, I sat back in the chair next to my doctor's small desk and waited for her to ask the question she had been asking me since puberty. Of course, this time, there was no, "Is there anything you'd like to talk about while your mom is not in here?" Maybe she could tell by the fact I was wringing my hands incessantly that I had something I wanted to ask her and she found it comical to toy with me, but in over 20 visits since I was 12 or 13, she didn't give me this opening. As she stood up to leave, I nervously said, "Um, actually I wanted to talk to you about something." My voice cracked as I said this, despite the fact that I was not a 15 year old male. 

"Oh?" she asked, interested, as she sat back down.

"Uh, I kind of wanted to get a prescription for....birth control..."I stared at the ground while speaking. She didn't miss a beat.

"Okay, did you want this to regulate your periods or because you are 'sexually active.'" First off, let's address this phrase. It is an awful phrase. Period. Besides the fact that I am fairly certain it was invented to torture teenagers because hearing anybody (especially your parents) use the phrase 'sexually active' in reference to you is horrify, it's also embarrassing. As an adult, if you are asked by a doctor if you are 'sexually active,' isn't it awful to have to answer, "well I have sex, or sometimes I do...but I don't currently have a partner....does that count?" Horrifying. Why not just say, please tell me all the intimate details of your sex life or lack thereof. I would rather tell my OB/GYN I was banging 6 guys at once then have to admit I hadn't had sex in 6 months. Anyways. After I told my doctor it was because I wanted to have sex, she told me I had to see a gynecologist to get the prescription. This caused an obstacle. Thankfully, I think quickly on my feet. 

I walked out of the exam room and smoothly told my mother that the doctor had decided my hormones were causing my headaches and I had to get put on birth control to control my headaches and logically, the OB/GYN was the one who had to prescribe them to me. She bought it. Or at least she pretended to so that I was still able to look her in the eye. Either way, I am still grateful to this day. 

As I was saying, AJ and I were prepared and one night after a very intense dry humping session, I told him that I wanted to have sex next time we were together.

"Are you sure? I don't want to pressure you into anything..." (oh, shut up AJ). 

"Yes! Make sure you buy some condoms." And so he did. 

On that fateful day, in the middle of winter, I arrived at his house and about 5 minutes later I was almost naked. Laying in bed and fondling his package, I decided to draw on it and give it a little name (so I was a slightly strange teenager, stop judging me). I drew a heart on his penis and joked that it loved me. He looked me right in the eyes and, with his Sharpie decorated penis still hanging out, said, "It does, and I do. I love you." 

It's difficult for me to even describe how I felt when he said that, despite the vivid memory of that day. I was so incredibly happy, I thought my cheeks might break from how much I was smiling. The warmth I felt spreading through my body was unlike any emotion I had ever experienced before. I wondered if this was what true happiness feels like.

"I love you to, AJ." And then we had sex and it wasn't awful or extremely short or super painful or any of those other horrible first-time experiences you hear. Granted, it was slightly awkward and I didn't want him to see my naked and I was so embarrassed when I had to put the condom on him but that's to be expected when you are young and inexperienced. I drove home loving the fact that he had been inside of me. And that he loved me. Talk about a good night. 

Needless to say, after that night, we pretty much fucked like bunnies as is typical of horny teenagers. And it was absolutely perfect.