Keep Your Hands to Yourself, Jim.

I acquired my first boyfriend when I was 14. I was battling a mean case of adolescent driven anorexia and this boy, we'll call him Jim, made it his personal mission to cure me. I, disturbingly, found this extremely charming. What's charming about a 14 year old boy trying to get into a girls pants by telling her he won't eat if she won't is beyond me, but apparently something was appealing. As technology would have it, the majority of our relationship was played out through AOL Instant Messenger--this included our break up. 

My best friend introduced me to Jim at the end of eighth grade. Jim had had a crush on Lisa, my best friend, but suddenly he was at my locker after science class, following me down the hallways. Due to a period of horrible awkwardness known to the vast majority of 11-14 year olds, I had trouble grasping the concept of someone actually wanting me. Jim was 6'1'', a good foot taller than my petite self. We shared our first kiss in the basement of my parents house, where Jim's head nearly touched the ceiling and I couldn't figure out which way my face went or whether or not to close my eyes. 

The next day, at summer camp, I sat on the bus next to Lisa. We scribbled furiously in one of our secret notebooks--a tradition since second grade. 

Jim and I kissed last night, like made out. I wrote. 

How was it? Lisa wrote back. 

Great! But...Do you keep your eyes open or closed when you kiss? Lisa had had a boyfriend for over a year. She was an expert, of course. 

Closed. Definitely. Otherwise you get all cross eyed and they look really funny that close up. 

I thought about this and decided next time Jim and I kissed, I would definitely close my eyes. Now, looking back, I think that is a stupid rule. Sometimes I think it is kind of fun to open your eyes, just to get a glimpse of your partner in full on make-out mode. Sometimes I actually giggle. I'm not sure the men I make out with appreciate that. Especially if they are naked. 

Things really started to heat up with Jim and I. We saw each other weekly for about two months during the summer before Freshman year of High School. About a month into the relationship, Jim and I were in the middle of passionately making out on the futon in my basement(with my eyes closed I might add), when all of a sudden I felt his hand creeping ever so slightly up my shirt. Panic flooded through me. I could barely stand to see myself naked, there was no way I was about to let a boy see me like that. The only thing I could think of to do was to slap his hand away. And so I did. He would cop a feel every now and then on top of my shirt but anytime his hand touched warm flesh I quickly pulled away. This would go on for the duration of our relationship as I had yet to find my inner slut. 

Just when things were really starting to get serious (think 2 month anniversary), I got a suspicious IM from Jim. 

J: I have to tell you something. 

Shit. 

Me: Okay, go ahead babe (thats right, we had cute nicknames for each other)

J: I feel so bad, I just don't know if I can do this.

Me: Do what? Oh fuck, i thought, he is going to break up with me. How can I diffuse this?

J: I don't think we should see each other anymore. It's not that I don't care about you, I just...

And here is where he really shoved the knife in my gut

J: I just really like Lisa.

Me: You like LISA?! My best friend Lisa? But, but you said you were glad she introduced us...

Tears began to roll down my face as I sat in front of the computer screen.

J: Well, I just really wanted to make Lisa happy, and I knew that going out with you would do that.

Twisting the knife even deeper. And so I will spare you the rest of the details of our two hour long online breakup but it included a lot of crying on my part and a lot of pathetic attempts to "work on" our relationship. Needless to say, it didn't work. We broke up. I was left with my first (partially) broken heart. I moved on (after many nights spent re-reading the print out of our breakup conversation through streams of tears). High School began. Other boys entered my radar. But don't worry, this is not the last time you will hear about Jim. Men rarely make a single appearance in the love life of LadyLindsay.