Can I Play With Your Gun, Officer HotPants?

Everyone has moments in their life in which certain events cause an epiphany along the lines of, I really need a lover of some sort. I had one of these experiences yesterday. As I was driving home from work yesterday, I was spacing out (as I usually do while driving) until I saw some pretty lights flashing behind me. That thought quickly passed as I realized they were the blue and red flash of a cop car. Fuck. As I'm pulling over to the side of the road, devastatingly embarrassed as I've never gotten a speeding ticket before, I realize--I wasn't speeding. Hmm...interesting. Officer HotPants got out of his car and strolled up to mine, running his hand along the dirty exterior of my white car as he approached. He introduced himself to me while I tried not to gape at his beautiful face and perfect body all dressed up in his little cop outfit. I thought hot cops were myths, a good costume for halloween and strippers (especially those male ones, yum!). Apparently, a few of them do exist. Anyways, Officer HotPants told me that my registration was expired since January(oops!). I had no idea that my registration had expired, let alone that this was something that really warranted pulling me over during rush hour traffic. I gave Officer HotPants my best I'm really sorry smile and handed him my drivers license. He went back to his squad car and sat there for a while pushing buttons and stuff. As he sat in his car I contemplated what Officer HotPants would be like, without his pants on. I wondered to myself, Would it be inappropriate for me to ask for his number? I was actually considering it until he returned to my car.

Officer HotPants handed me a 90 dollar ticket for my expired registration. Really? I was pretty unhappy and pissed that he felt like he had to ticket me and briefly considered taking off an article of clothing to try and reduce the price. I drove away unhappy and slightly horny because I really like men in uniform. 

When I got home, I looked at my citation and right there on the bottom of the ticket was Officer HotPants name. Then I proceeded to search him on Facebook. As soon as I hit the 'search' button I had an epiphany. 

I really need to get laid so I stop fantasizing about cops who cost me hundreds of dollars because they have no real crime to fight. And every other inappropriate person I fantasize about. 

Bottom Line: Officer HotPants may have looked like he was straight out of a really good porno but that doesn't mean he wasn't still a jerk. And a cop. Hey Officer HotPants, It's called a WARNING.